Alright, Lois Lane! I humbly apologize for doing an Anu Malik on the title of your article in Superman Returns. I know it won’t fetch me a Pulitzer Prize but surely I can try for a Padmashri, eh?? 
So lets see, is Superman really going to be helpful in India??
First and foremost, he would be busy protecting his Lois Lane from crooks, thugs, eve-teasers, rapists, drunk colleagues, likes of Pramod Muthalik and Shiv Sena. With all the hectic work, where will he find the time to protect the common citizen?
Secondly, he would have to change his costume a bit to suit the Indian conditions. I mean have you seen that underwear over pants? He would be slapped with charges of obscenity! And what about a mask?? Yes, a mask!! Assuming that he can fly all over the place and a crime can be committed anywhere, what if he has to fly over Dharavi or for that matter, a Municipal waste dumping ground. Surely he can breathe out cold air but can he breathe in those toxic gases?? And with the amount of pollution in our cities, surely he can’t do without it. Another change would be letting go of his garb. What if it gets entangled in so many electric wires all over the city and Superman gets electrocuted!! Hmm, would make quite a lot of headline.. (I can already imagine BREAKING NEWS flashing all over the news channels)
Next, how will he fly?? I mean as it is with the amount of air traffic congestion we have in this country due to lack of ATC controllers, who will supervise his flying and landing??
And most importantly, which caste will be support? I mean he surely can’t be without a caste. It must be acceptable in his planet Krypton or for that matter in US. But no sir, not in India!
What do we need right now? Some rain!! 
What is 55 Fiction? It is a fiction story, with all the basic elements of a narrative (plot, characters, setting, conflict), in 55 words or less (A non-negotiable rule).
Its confirmed. Indians (OK, OK Chinese also) are unimaginative.
A Sikh journalist today flung a shoe at home minister P. Chidambram protesting against the clean chit given by the CBI to Congress leader Jagdish Tytler accused in 1984 anti-Sikh riots case. The inspiration was clearly taken from Muntadhar al-Zaidi, an Iraqi journalist who performed the same feat over Bush. Even when it comes to imitation, these Indians are behind Chinese people considering this same feat has already been emulated by them. Talk about world dominance!!
However, in the aftermath of these attacks, both India and China have played towards their strength and have given birth to industries in Service and Manufacturing sector respectively. Indians have started a course to teach politicians various techniques of dodging shoes and this course has become mandatory for all politicians prior to elections. Shoe industry, on the other hand, has gained momentum in China and custom made shoes of all shapes and sizes for all types of politicians are being made and exported all over the world.
In another story, 38-year-old Rashid Malbari, alias Rashid Hussain Sheikh, a close aide of gangster Chota Shakeel had planned to kidnap a Dubai-based businessman returning to Mangalore for a ransom of Rs 5 crore. The ransom amount was to be used to assassinate Varun Gandhi and Pramod Muthalik, Malbari confessed before the Mangalore police.
Related News:
Sri Rama Sene leader Pramod Muthalik was taken into preventive custody as soon as he landed in Mysore, police said.Muthalik had come to visit Kyatharamanhalli suburb, where group clashes took place recently following which prohibitory orders were issued under sections 144, police said.
Varun Gandhi booked under NSA by Mayawati’s Government for his inflammatory speech at Pilibhit. Would remain jailed for some time.
Both heave a sigh a relief and thank God for jails!!
The best creative job in the world?
Advertising?… No
Painting?…. No
Music?…. No
Its the job of a Conspiracy theorist!!!
I pity those poor advertising agencies, painters, and sometimes even musicians (barring some) for the mind slogging and weirdness they have to do to come up with great ideas. The problem is, they have to build completely new themes based on pure intuition.
Now look at a conspiracy theorist. Grab the most sensational news and well.. sensationalize it more!! All they have to do is to identify a missing piece in the puzzle, import that piece (no.. not from China) and lo behold, a conspiracy theory is ready to rock and roll!
Some traits of conspiracy theories:
- They always come from reliable sources of an unreliable source.
- They involve the citizens of not only earth but entire solar system like aliens, martians etc.
- They always end up being made into documentaries.
- Their number is directly proportional to the size of the issue.
Some ludicrous theories (in order of stupidity) -
- US 9/11 conspiracy theory – The US government carried out those attacks in disguise.
- Barack Obama deception – Democrats started the economic crisis to help elect Obama (
). - Apollo Moon Landing Hoax – Apollo 11 never landed on the moon but the whole scene was staged in a NASA room.
- Mumbai 26/11 terror attacks – The Hindu extremists are responsible for the attacks to denigrate Muslim citizens.
Now, the obvious question that arises is why do they exist at all?
Well.. some less weirder ones really turn out to be true thus giving the benefit of doubt to the issue. But it is this benefit of doubt that turns out to be the most potent weapon for the politicians to twist and turn the issue ruthlessly against their opponents; and it goes on without saying that politicians turn out to be the best conspiracy theorists.
The upcoming news channels aren’t complaining!!
Pledge is the word that gives me jitters. Way back in school, I remember a pledge we used to take : “All Indians are my Brothers and Sisters 
“. Yeah, we were stupid enough to take the pledge. And more importantly, our Principal was stupid enough to make us take that pledge (Yes, he was married).
Now I think, maybe the reason wasn’t some population control measure. I guess, back then, there weren’t any fancy pledges around to really attract any attention. Hence, we were stuck with the only pledge that our Government gave us – even if that meant making every girl our sister!!
Come home now, and pledges seem to have become a phenomenon. Atleast thats what everyone seems to be doing.
Thrown out of job? Take a pledge to fight against unemployment.
Saw a dog being chased away? Take a pledge to fight for animal rights.
Saw a criminal being killed? Take a pledge to fight for human rights.
Been cheated by a hooker? Take a pledge to fight against prostitution.
Ahh.. Now you are done and you can go off to sleep peacefully.
(Recently, after the Mumbai terror attacks, a publishing house started their pledge ceremony against terrorism with much fanfare garnering more than 100,000 pledges. The result?? Last checked, it seems to have disappeared from the main page and only came across it after searching for it specifically. And don’t ask me what happened of the people. Some are taking a new pledge to vote 
)
March 6th 2009 – A date when Indians successfully lost a bid for everything that Gandhi represented.
No, I’m not misinformed. Rather, most of the people are who were in support for acquisition of those Gandhi memorabilia. We Indians (or rather Vijay Mallya) won those items for everything which they did not represent.
They were GANDHI’s items. A man bigger than his glasses and watch and blah blah.. A person whose ideologies were infinitely more precious than those items worth. And yet none of us see it. Instead, we prefer being patriotic and showing the world our financial muscle indicative of how well we are doing. It does not matter whether we deserve them or not. It does not matter what purpose would the money obtained from the auction would have served.
We should ask ourselves the hard question. Do we really deserve anything remotely associated with Gandhi?
More than 50 years after independence, we are far from achieving harmony. Non-violence seems to have been sent for a stroll in the park. Rather than demonstrating peacefully, unless some buses, houses are burnt, some people shot or burnt, no agitation is successful.
Also Gandhi would have been the first person in this world to part with his items if it would have fetched adequate money for the poor. But with 1/3rd of poor in India, we can happily pay for such items rather than help eradicating the poverty. And why should we? We love to flaunt our poverty. It brings recognition in terms of Bookers and Oscars.
Plus, we are for some reason clouded with the mindset that anything having to do with anything remotely Indian should rightly belong to us and our museums. Only one more thing would be added along with those items – GANDHISM.
What can I say? The pictures speak for themselves!!
PS: Check out Mayawati’s poster(Vote for BSP).. Creativity??
(Source: Economic Times Of India – 17th Feb, 2009)
THE OLYMPIAN WHO TURNED A NATION DOWN
Yeah, its Michael 8 Olympic Gold Phelps. And no.. he’s not puking. Neither is that golden coloured liquid liquor (Though im sure he wished it was!). I know… its too evident to be mistaken.
And herein lies the disgraceful tale of this Olympian.
Hero.Superhero.Fast.Fastest.
Some of the qualities you might associate with him. But all these apparently were being smoked out.
“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment” – Michael Phelps.
Bad judgement? Dude, you’re an Olympian! The greatest Olympian ever! Had this been possible at all without good judgement? Whenever a kid would step into the pool, he would dream of you. Not only that – whenever a girl would reach adolescence, she would dream of you (seriously). And this is not the first incident. Ok.. he was 19 then (and probably more responsible than most of us), but then as Spiderman said… WITH GREAT POWER, COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY!
The only bright side? Atleast a slumping industry (marijuana) will get a boost. They got their best ever mascot in Phelps
(The irony – Authorities recently arrested eight people for marijuana possession, in connection with an investigation into the photo of Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps holding a bong, ABC News has learned.- One for each medal eh??)
THE OLYMPIAN TURNED DOWN BY A NATION
The second Olympian is Vijender Kumar (Bronze medalist – Boxing )
The second Olympian is Sushil Kumar (Bronze medalist – Wrestling)
Two different names. One single fate.
A fate that is deprived of an honour from own country. A fate where achievements go unnoticed. A fate which fades in front of cricket.
And that is the tragic tale of the other Olympian.
On 26th January, when India celebrated its 59th year of constitution by awarding people with Padma Shri (in recognition to achievements in various fields), these 2 Olympians, who brought India her maiden Olympic medal for boxing and 2nd medal in wrestling were unceremoniously left out.
Apathy towards other sports by Indian Government or a well-reasoned decision??
According to Sports Minister MS Gill: “Normally the Padma Shri is given on the basis of a career of excellence and to expect it so soon would be naive on their (Sushil and Vijender) part. “
(The irony- Hashmat Ullah Khan of Jammu & Kashmir, who is an exporter of shawls, was awarded the prestigious Padma Shri award. Hashmat Ullah Khan was given the award in “craftsmen” category. He is neither an artist nor a craftsman. It is not known who recommended his name to the Padma Award panel.)
